


With All My Heart and Soul

by WhatButAVillain



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Out of Character, Pre-Slash, Romance, Self-Harm, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-26
Updated: 2008-06-26
Packaged: 2018-09-30 07:54:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10158017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatButAVillain/pseuds/WhatButAVillain
Summary: Harry decides to send a letter to Voldemort in order to vent about his life, not expecting it to be read. As the letters are exchanged, an understanding and a friendship forms. However, something is about to try and ruin it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).
> 
> From the Creator: This was written about 10 years ago when I was in high school. It is pretty juvenile and angst ridden. However, despite how much the writing embarrasses me, it has received good reviews, bookmarks, and such where it is crossposted on FF.net
> 
> I do not condone self harm nor suicide. It years people and families and relationships apart. If you indulge in self harm and have attempted to or wanted to or thought about suicide please seek professional help. It is not the happy ending you want or seek.

__

With All My Heart and Soul

****

By: ReginaAlexandriaBrown

Disclaimer: not mine. But maybe if I wish hard enough… no, still not mine. Alas, I am still just a poor girl and in no way do I get any money from the use of any Harry Potter names or copyrighted information. If wishes were horses, beggars would ride, but wishes aren't horses and so beggars must beg.

A/N: okay the idea just kind hit me at around eleven at night and I was up until 5:30, thankfully it was during break. Because of this the characters are seriously OOC but I’ll just claim love changes people. So there. The idea of having Harry and Voldy connect through letters comes from a story I read by Dysperdis here at HP Fandom called Lettered, very good story by the way. I just put a slightly more angsty spin on it. First fic ever so please be kind. please. Oh, and review. Please.

~*~*~*~

He couldn’t remember when the letters started to arrive or why he still read them every week but he did. It started with just telling him about the sender’s week and the adolescent problems in his friend’s lives. They always arrived on Friday night between one and two in the morning. He was always awake when they arrived. Always sitting in his favorite chair by the fire with a perfect view of the always open window that the same snowy white owl always flew through. She always landed on the right arm of his chair and he would always have his right leg crossing his left at the knee. He would always say, “Good evening, Hedwig. How’s our favorite arch-enemy been?” as he fed her, her favorite owl treat before she flew off to her perch by the window to rest before heading back out the next evening sometimes with a short reply, sometimes not. 

He would always tenderly handle the letters as he got up and moved to his desk with a glass of red wine. He’d gently break the seal and remove the folded parchment from it’s snug home and conjuring a small light to see by that wouldn’t bother the lightly dozing owl. He would always read the letters immediately scanning it first then reading it again. Then he would carefully fold the letter back up following the exact same creases as before and gently returning the letter to it’s home. He would always put the letter in the exact same spot on his desk, the exact center, before retiring to bed. The next morning he would wake around ten, re-read the letter, and write out a response commenting on things said in the letter or giving advice, not that he expected it to be followed, and give it to Hedwig who would affectionately nip at his finger while he tied the letter to her foot and fly away knowing she’d be back in a week to see him again. He would watch her until she was out of sight then silently move back to the desk gently pick up the letter delivered the night before and adding it to the back of a rather thick file he kept in a locked drawer of his desk. He needn’t worry about locking the drawer, no one with access to the building let alone his private rooms would have dared to steal from the Dark Lord Voldemort but he was, is, paranoid, I guess that’s what’s helped keep him alive all these years. The file was of all the letters traded including copies of his responses, he was nothing if not thorough.

As much as he hated to admit it, Lord Voldemort rather enjoyed his secret correspondence with the Boy-Who-Lived, his arch-enemy and Hedwig’s owner. The boy was in his sixth year of school at Hogwart’s School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The dark Lord glanced at the first letter he’d gotten and remembered that night.

He awoke to a sound as of some one gently rapping, tapping at his window lattice. Recognizing immediately the sound of a post owl, though it’d been years since he’d received one, he grudgingly got up to open the window and vowed to Crucio whoever had sent an owl this late at night. When he saw the Hogwart’s student crest in the Gryffindor red wax on the back of the envelope he almost dropped the letter and lost his composure, almost, he was a dark lord after all. He sat down at his desk thinking, _this could be a trap, but Potter’s too much of a Gryffindor to do something like that._ Still sensing nothing on the envelope even after casting detection spells, he wasn’t an idiot even if he didn’t think the Gryffindor hero would use dark magic, he gently opened the letter. Whatever he was expecting was not what he read. 

Dear Voldemort?

I’m not sure what to call you. You’d probably prefer I not call you anything and just die already but oh well, life’s not fair and we don’t always get what we want. I know your probably upset at being woken in the middle of the night but please don’t take it out on Hedwig, the owl, She was only doing what I asked her to. I don’t really have a reason for writing just felt like it, like I had to. You’ve most likely stopped reading by now, if you even started in the first place. So, it’s my birthday today or it will be when you get this if I assume correctly, July 31. Guess what I’ll probably be doing to celebrate. Absolutely nothing. No wait, that’s not right. I’ll be cooking breakfast for my Muggle relatives, hoping they feel generous enough to share. I don’t even get to leave until a few days after. I had to tell my friend’s to keep my gifts until they see me or else my uncle will burn them. I wish Professor Dumbledore hadn’t told them Sirius died. They just took that as an invitation to go back to starving me. Well, I’d better go and get this off before my aunt or uncle wake up and catch that Hedwig’s here. 

See ya,  
Harry Potter, The-Boy-Who-Lived

‘Well, that was interesting. I wonder what he expects. Obviously not a response, his owl’s gone.’ He didn’t know why he left the letter on his desk or why the next morning he put it into a file and locked it in his desk. In the morning the owl was back so the Dark Lord wrote a short response saying he’d gotten the letter and wishing a Happy Birthday. 

In no time Voldemort’s behavior towards Harry began to change. When Harry complained about the scar sending him vision of the torture and how he felt it, Voldemort made sure to Occlude during meetings and raids. When Harry complained, Voldemort listened and tried to fix it. When Harry talked about school, friends, and other adolescent problems, Voldemort listened and gave him advice. When Harry mentioned that Snape was spying for the Order he behaved as if he didn’t know and gave Harry tips with Occlumency. When Harry mentioned, or Voldemort saw, Snape taunting and punishing Harry unfairly, Voldemort found reason’s to torture him. Even Harry noticed how the Dark Lord seemed to be protecting him. It was about October when Harry started to open up more to the Dark Lord. He told him that his uncle had liked to rape him and use him for sexual gratification since he was five, that he was gay and all his crushes, that he still believed his relatives words that he was a fag, whore, slut, freak, and worthless. He told him that he liked to cut his arms and sometimes his thighs to distract from the pain. Even told him what the prophecy said, how he didn’t want to have to fight, How he wanted to die but was afraid of death, how he still wanted to make his parents proud, how he’d always imagined that his parents would show up to take him away from the Dursley’s but that he didn’t blame Tom. He didn’t blame the Dark Lord for any of it. Tom did something so unbecoming of a Dark Lord, he apologized for killing his parents and everything he’d had to endure, how he wished he could take it all away for him. 

Looking at the envelope now he realized that somehow, he didn’t know how, and at some point, he didn’t know when, Tom realized that his arch-nemesis had gotten under his skin and made a comfortable home for himself in the Dark Lord’s heart. Even more than that, Tom found he really didn’t mind and didn’t want to kick him out. He just wished Harry felt the same. 

It was the next Wednesday that changed his life. About halfway through a Death Eater meeting a familiar snowy white owl, looking battered as if she had flown in a great hurry to get the letter to him, swept into the hall with a house elf behind her trying to stop her from interrupting the meeting. Hedwig landed in a flurry of feathers at Tom’s feet. The house elf had frozen at the door looking in with tear-filled eyes but disappeared at the Dark Lord’s signal. The Death Eaters, especially Snape who recognized Harry Potter’s owl, were staring at the mass of feather’s. Sighing to himself, and giving only a passing thought to his reputation, his thought’s only focused on worry for his Harry, Tom bent down to gently pick up the owl and while cradling the owl to his chest while she regained her energy he tenderly yet hurriedly removed the letter from her leg. When the letter was untied, Hedwig hopped out of his arms and onto his shoulder as if to read the letter from her perch. 

Tom quickly broke the seal and removed the letter, even if it hadn’t been Hedwig to deliver the letter he’d have known it was from his recently admitted love, both the hand-writing and the scent were undeniably Harry. As was his custom he scanned the letter before reading it.

Tom,  
I can’t do it. I can’t go on. It’s too overwhelming. I can’t be who everyone expects me to be. Since you’re the only one who really knows me, I thought you deserved to know first. I’m sort of glad that I won’t have to fight you, but I didn’t want to disappoint my parents or Sirius. Do you think they’re proud? Do you think they know what I am? A freak? A whore? A fag? Please spare Remus when you take over, he’s like a second godfather to me. Since I’ll probably never see you again I also wanted to tell you that I love you and I have for a long time. I wanted you to know as my only true friend… I thought you deserved to know even if you never even liked me and this was just a game to you. Even though you’ll never feel the same. I love you and I don’t mean just as friends, or any of that crap. I’m just sorry I never got the chance to see you after we became friends. I’m sorry.

With all my heart and soul, yours forever,  
Harry Potter 

All his years as a dark lord made sure that none of his emotions showed on his face but he couldn’t stop his hands from trembling. Luckily his followers thought it was from rage. He re-read the letter and felt all the warmth drain out of him. He felt as though he was being attacked by a hoard of dementors and knew what little part of him that was human was dying, that the heart Harry had resurrected in him was breaking. Soon his hurt and sorrow turned into rage, and hate at the world that had taken Harry, His Harry from him. He decided that, even if he was too late he had to go to Hogwart’s and get His Harry away from the people who didn’t know or understand him. He resolved to take his Harry and find someplace no one would ever find them and join his beloved in that eternal peace called death. If his Harry could do it through his fear than so could he. 

Tenderly and calmly folding the letter and replacing it in the envelope, he tucked it into a safe inside pocket of his robes where it wouldn’t be harmed. Looking out at his Deatheaters, all of whom had knelt seeing the rage and trembling of his hands, he sneered at their down-turned heads.

“My Lord?” Severus was asking permission to speak. 

“Yesss, SSSSeverussss?” he answered in his hurt and rage speaking a mixture of English and Parseltongue which always scared the shit out of his followers because they knew it meant he was pissed and not likely to forgive, like he ever was.

“My Lord, It is not my business but is that Potter’s owl?” he asked with only a slight tremble in his voice, still more than most others could manage.

“Your right, SSSSeverussss. It’sss not your busssinesss,” he hissed. Then, he surprised his Inner Circle gathered in front of him and called all his followers, every single, 800 of them. “Faithful followerss, I hope your ready. We attack Hogwart’s NOW,” he announced and was greeted with thunderous applause. “Severus I hope you don’t mind sitting this one out but I can’t let a traitor like you out to fight against me. You understand?” with that he banished Severus into his own quarters at Hogwart’s but locked in. Moments later he apparated just outside the wards and summoned all his followers behind him. In his hurt and anger it took only a thought to rip the wards to shreds. He knew the Aurors and Order would show up soon plus the students and staff. He knew he had no plan but he sent all 800 of his followers to attack with orders to not kill or permanently damage anyone. He made his way surrounded by his Inner Circle to the castle. He was met on the front steps by the Headmaster looking worn and tired. 

“Good evening, Tom,” he greeted cordially. 

“Just give Harry to me and I’ll leave,” his words shocked all his followers in hearing range.

“Tom, why do you want Harry?” Albus asked wearily.

“My reasons are my own, Albus. But I do know the whole prophecy now,” _good just cryptic enough for my followers to not guess the real reason._

“Oh, how did you learn that?” he asked surprised.

“It doesn’t matter. Either give me Harry or let me through. Oh by the way you have a Potions Master locked in his rooms in the dungeons,” again he shocked his followers who expected him dead or in a cell at the manor.

With a subtle sign Professor Sprout left to rescue the Potions Master.

“Just give me Harry, Albus,” Tom said again and with one wandless spell he knocked all the faculty including Severus and Professor Sprout coming up the dungeon stairs off their feet. Leaving all his followers outside Tom made his way up to the Gryffindor common room and blasted it open. When he reached the sixth year boys dormitory the rest of his heart that had been hoping he was in time crumbled. Lying on his bed in a pool of his own blood was the only person he’d ever loved. He didn’t notice the Gryffindor’s crowding the room or hear the cry that echoed off the mountains but all those gathered in and around the castle heard.

Tom forcefully pushed everyone out of his way to reach his beloved and gently picked him up and cradling him to his chest made his way back down to the front doors, the tears flowing freely down his face. 

When he reached the front steps of the school everyone stopped to look at him. He ordered his house elf to bring him his file and to make a copy as he made a copy of Harry’s last letter. He added the copy to the copied file and put the original in his file. 

“Are you happy now? Harry killed himself. He was overwhelmed by everything you demanded of him. This file is a copy of our correspondence since July. I’m joining Harry, my Harry,” he whispered. “I love you. Just promise me someone tortures and kills that son of a bitch uncle of his,” he addressed the audience at large.

“You loved him?” Severus asked, he had to.

“With all my heart and soul, forever,” answered Tom before leaning down to kiss the still warm lips of his love. “And he never even knew,” he added softly as more tears fell into Harry’s expressionless Avada Kedavra green eyes. “I believe he left a pensieve with a note by his bed. Bury us together,” he whispered before capturing Harry’s lips with his own as a green light enveloped him and freed his soul from it’s mortal confines.

~*~*~*~

Tom awoke to bright Avada Kedavra green eyes looking down on him. 

“That was stupid of you,” Harry said as he helped Tom up.

“And what you did was any better?” Tom asked. “I couldn’t live without you,” he whispered. 

“I know,” Harry whispered back as he moved closer to kiss the man he know recognized as his soul mate.

“Let’s go find your parents, Love. I need to apologize. Besides we have all of eternity to be together now. And no one can separate us not even your parents or godfather. I love you.”

“And I, you,” Harry said as they set off down their path together.

*~*End~*~

As I said this is my first fanfic ever and it was written at two in the morning so please R&R just no flames please. Be nice.


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